Night on the Town- part 2

After some sleuthing, questioning and meditiation, I figured out what the hell happened the rest of my crazy night out. I coughed up the number of one of the friends I made and she was able to help me defog the night.

First of all, after we left the first bar we ended up at a place called "Martini Bar". Apparently, I went nuts over all the fine ladies in the establishment. And this girls were rocked out of their trees and easily manipulated.


Got some sweet action right there. I think the one girl was celebrating her birthday, because everyone kept buying her drinks. There were rounds of shots again, and some more martinis. Apple is my favourite by far. In my drunken stupor, I thought it would be a great idea to try to DJ. Might get me more hunnies, so I told the DJ that I was a musician and that he should let me rock a few beats. He agreed to let me try, although he was snickering when I asked. Fuck him, I tore down the house with my amazing beats.


It totally got me the attention of these three (what I assumed to be) hookers. They came up to me after my brief stint in the DJ booth and bought me a drink.



Look at those legs! I mean, booya, total score! That blonde chick is so fine! I was feeling on top of the world. We were chatting and I was completely smashed, so I figured I need seal the deal quickly. I asked the blonde one how much she charged for the night and then I got knocked to the floor and left for dead. Given my state, it was really hard to get back up. But really, I don't think I was out of line to assume these girls were prostitues, right?

The night started to go down hill from there. Needless to say, I embarassed my new friends and they left me at the martini bar. I wasn't done however. I stumbled my way over to The Ceeps and tried to get in. The bouncer wasn't having it though (probably because I smelt like Rob on Christmas day). I believe I yelled a string of obscenities that went something like "Fuck you...fuck your mom...I hope you get herpes....." or something to that effect. He didn't like that too much. Threw me out of my metal rear end.




You think I'd be done and going home right? Nope. I discovered this next little gem while at work. My sexy mocha's at Starbucks noticed while I was turned around to get some milk that I apparently got a tattoo on my back. A "tramp stamp" as they called it. Damn. I went back to the tattoo place and they totally remembered me. Even took pictures. They have never tattooed a robot before. They assured me its "very permanent".






Ugh....and then I went home. I am too embarassed to say what I tattooed on myself. Overall though, pretty wicked night.

Until next time!

Night on the Town (part 1)

Ugh... fuck........ I just woke up from a crazy bender. The entire night is a blur. Yuck, I just found a beer cap in my mouth. I think I remember how this all started, at least the beginning of it.

Having my heartbroken by that psychology major really got me depressed. I talked it out with my sweet hot ladies at Starbucks and they said I need to let loose, go out and forget about her. They suggested going for a night out on Richmond row. Seemed like a good plan at the time.
I really didn't know where to go, so I just found the largest line and joined it.

I got some strange looks, but I didn't give a shit about those preppy assholes, I was looking for a good time. When I got into the bar, I got two beers and sat down. Loosening up so I could then score some hot chicks.


As I was slugging back beers, I was approached by a group of partiers who asked me to join them. It was nice of them I thought and came over to their table for a drink. Well, these cats could DRINK! They were handing me glass after glass of this putrid drink called "mustang ale". God awful shit.


I remember feeling pretty drunk when one of the girls asked me to dance. Hell ya! Finally!!

Found out later, she was a total tease and went back to her boyfriend at the table. Boyfriend was not so happy. I think we all headed out somewhere else....but at that point, we had 3 rounds of tequilla and I can't seem to remember anything else......damn, I need to puke.

First Date

My new makeover totally worked! While waiting for the bus my new blue hat became the subject of converstation between me and a lovely young lady in her second year of a psychology degree at Western. If I could sweat, I would have been while asking her if she was free sometime during the week. She hestitated a moment (and if my face could change expression, it would have fallen), but she then said "Why the hell not, a story for my roommates at the very least". Its better than nothing is what I thought.

As I jumped off the bus in delight, a gust of wind blew my fancy new hat right off my lightbulb! I shuffled after it, but to no avail. Stupid wind. I was right pissed off. I had a date the next night and all I had was my ugly ass sombrero.

I wasn't going to loose the chance of getting a piece of sweet sweet Western girl ass, so I put on my sombrero and walked off to my date the next night. I took her to the fanciest restaruant in town "Prince Alberts" and we shared a chocolate milkshake. Well, she drank it and I pretended to drink.



Things were going well, so I whispered in to her ear "I heard the psychology majors are the sluttiest, wanna fuck?".



Apparently, it inappropriate to say that on a first date. She lost her shit, calling me a sexist piece of metal garbage. Didn't even let me explain myself and picked up her purse up, whacked me over the head with it and left. I was left in the cold still looking for some lovin, when I came across another lovely speciem to spend the night with.



GOODNIGHT!

Shopping

Greetings once again!

I've been working my steel off at the Starbucks with my hot latte girls, but they began to make fun of my pink, feather sombrero. So I though to myself "how am I ever going to get in their pants if they think I look stupid". Luckily, I have been making some sweet sweet cheddar at the ol' sbucks so I decided to give myself a makeover to maybe fit in more (and hook up with some of the awesome Western whores). A new hat was definitely the first on the list.



I chose the wicked blue meshy cowboy hat. No one can make fun of me for that one.
Next, I was told that most humans wear some kind of outer clothing on their skin in order to appear "cool" or "hip" to other humans. Maybe this will work for robots too?


I really liked the rainbow coloured top, but the sales woman informed me that it was meant for girls. Honestly, how was I suppose to know? Until next time!

Ice time!

Hello again world!

Well, I love my new job and all the money I'm making (unlike when I was singing for that horrid band). Everyone hear bitches about the cold and snow, but I can't feel it, although when it dips below freezing my gears to get jammed. I found a nice bench to rest on in Victoria Park while I'm not working and I was taken aback by the strange thing those dumb assed humans were doing at the park. They tied razor sharp blades to their feet and fell all over a giant sheet of ice. How fucking dumb is that? However idiotic it is, I decided to have a go at it. I found a lovely couple to show me how.



But eventually, I got it on my own!


After that energetic exploit, I decided to go to my old stomping grounds "Barneys". I used to play there with those jerks in that stupid band. I found out the hard way that humans are weak and do not take well to patio lounging in the winter.




Well, no beer for now. Back to work!

First Day!

For those who don't know me, I am the lead singer of the band called "The Banana Hammocks". And yes, I am a robot. Lately, I have so fucking unhappy with the direction of our band. We haven't gotten gigs in MONTHS! I am creatively stiffled and at the mercy of people who have legs and cars. So I decided to say "fuck em" and head out the door to make it on my own. I am not going to lie, being a robot in a human world is a tough gig. I broke out of the apartment, where I was being held captive by some alpha male wanna be singer songwriter, and I grabbed a bus to downtown in hopes of finding a job.




There was a hell of a lot of nos, you'd think it was 1960's America and I was black. Stupid humans think they are so much better because they have flesh. Assholes. Luckily, I found out that Starbucks was more than willing to hire me despite my minority status in this god forsaken human world. The biggest perk of my job is the damn sexy Starbucks ladies that I work with. I mean....DAMN! Check em out.





So yeah, I LOVE my new job at Starbucks. Its so much better than listen to The Banana Hammocks rape classic tunes with their horrible arrangements. I found an nice alleyway to sleep in and the pigeons are keeping me company. Until next time!