Ending Credits

Thanks to:

Joelle "The Jokester" Turner



Adam "The Adequate" Shypanski



And Rosalie "The Audacious" Abrahamse

(No photo on file)





Good times had by all!!!

Last post (cue trumpet music)

Greetings once again!

I know have neglected my duties of keeping you up to date, but I have been terribly busy with my research. Its tedious work and frankly, I have had enough of it. Recently, I found out that my professor has just been filtering all my research into his paper he is publishing for some fancy pants science journal without giving me even a footnote! Once finding this out, I drank the rest of the chemicals I was working with, lit his computer on fire and left.

Depressed, downtrodden and desperate, I began to question why I even left in the first place. Its a robot eat robot world out there and I havent even gotten laid yet. I gave up being a rockstar to sling lattes and study science?? As I was taking the bus, I sat beside a very attractive girl who took notice of my pathetic state. We got to chatting but she had to get off the bus quickly afterwards. She gave me her number just in case I needed to chat again. This may be my chance!! I called her up and we went for a walk in the park


I was a beautiful day and I started spilling the beans, telling her how lonely I was and all my foul language and anger stems from my insecurities about not having any legs. I think she was digging all this "I'm so broken" crap. We then sat by the river to take in the view.


I tried to yawn and put my arm around her, but she was too tall for me. After the walk, we went to get a coffee and thats when she broke my heart.




She told me she was flattered but spoken for. She told me I need to look for someone who has more in common with me, maybe a lady robot. I think she might be right. Human ladies are horrible. She also told me its probably better for me to go back to what I do best, rocking out with The Hammocks. Chicks dig rockstars anyways. I am glad we met, because I think she knocked some sense into me. I am going to go back to the Banana Hammocks and see if we can have a fresh start. Its been fun, but I think I finally realized who I am, and its not a Starbucks employee or a Western student. I am a robot. A robot who sings about dirty things.

Thanks for reading!

A new direction

Its been a while, but I am back and ready to go. After my debaucherous evening on Richmond Row I have had sometime to think about where I really want to be in life. After some deep meditation on the issues, I realized that where I want to be is in bed with a beautiful woman. But how?! Alas, my sexy starladies were ready with some more advice. They suggested that I go somewhere to meet girls that doesn't involve alchohol and may allow for more conversation. Apparently you should really get to know a woman before sleeping with her (I have my doubts, but I have nothing to loose that this point). Giving it some thought, I decided I would sign up for a science degree at the university. They were pretty eagar to have a robot in the program (more funding for minority students). Off to school I went!


I worked in the labs for a bit, but the profs really disapproved of my experiemental method of tasting all the chemicals before I used them. On that note, I found that acetylene is the yummiest. My professors suggested that I spent some more time writing up my research so I went to work on my thesis "The effects of acetylene when injested by robots".




But as you can see, this is not really getting me anywhere with the ladies. Although I now think my addiction to alcohol has been replaced of actelyene.....hmmmm....actelyene.

Night on the Town- part 2

After some sleuthing, questioning and meditiation, I figured out what the hell happened the rest of my crazy night out. I coughed up the number of one of the friends I made and she was able to help me defog the night.

First of all, after we left the first bar we ended up at a place called "Martini Bar". Apparently, I went nuts over all the fine ladies in the establishment. And this girls were rocked out of their trees and easily manipulated.


Got some sweet action right there. I think the one girl was celebrating her birthday, because everyone kept buying her drinks. There were rounds of shots again, and some more martinis. Apple is my favourite by far. In my drunken stupor, I thought it would be a great idea to try to DJ. Might get me more hunnies, so I told the DJ that I was a musician and that he should let me rock a few beats. He agreed to let me try, although he was snickering when I asked. Fuck him, I tore down the house with my amazing beats.


It totally got me the attention of these three (what I assumed to be) hookers. They came up to me after my brief stint in the DJ booth and bought me a drink.



Look at those legs! I mean, booya, total score! That blonde chick is so fine! I was feeling on top of the world. We were chatting and I was completely smashed, so I figured I need seal the deal quickly. I asked the blonde one how much she charged for the night and then I got knocked to the floor and left for dead. Given my state, it was really hard to get back up. But really, I don't think I was out of line to assume these girls were prostitues, right?

The night started to go down hill from there. Needless to say, I embarassed my new friends and they left me at the martini bar. I wasn't done however. I stumbled my way over to The Ceeps and tried to get in. The bouncer wasn't having it though (probably because I smelt like Rob on Christmas day). I believe I yelled a string of obscenities that went something like "Fuck you...fuck your mom...I hope you get herpes....." or something to that effect. He didn't like that too much. Threw me out of my metal rear end.




You think I'd be done and going home right? Nope. I discovered this next little gem while at work. My sexy mocha's at Starbucks noticed while I was turned around to get some milk that I apparently got a tattoo on my back. A "tramp stamp" as they called it. Damn. I went back to the tattoo place and they totally remembered me. Even took pictures. They have never tattooed a robot before. They assured me its "very permanent".






Ugh....and then I went home. I am too embarassed to say what I tattooed on myself. Overall though, pretty wicked night.

Until next time!

Night on the Town (part 1)

Ugh... fuck........ I just woke up from a crazy bender. The entire night is a blur. Yuck, I just found a beer cap in my mouth. I think I remember how this all started, at least the beginning of it.

Having my heartbroken by that psychology major really got me depressed. I talked it out with my sweet hot ladies at Starbucks and they said I need to let loose, go out and forget about her. They suggested going for a night out on Richmond row. Seemed like a good plan at the time.
I really didn't know where to go, so I just found the largest line and joined it.

I got some strange looks, but I didn't give a shit about those preppy assholes, I was looking for a good time. When I got into the bar, I got two beers and sat down. Loosening up so I could then score some hot chicks.


As I was slugging back beers, I was approached by a group of partiers who asked me to join them. It was nice of them I thought and came over to their table for a drink. Well, these cats could DRINK! They were handing me glass after glass of this putrid drink called "mustang ale". God awful shit.


I remember feeling pretty drunk when one of the girls asked me to dance. Hell ya! Finally!!

Found out later, she was a total tease and went back to her boyfriend at the table. Boyfriend was not so happy. I think we all headed out somewhere else....but at that point, we had 3 rounds of tequilla and I can't seem to remember anything else......damn, I need to puke.

First Date

My new makeover totally worked! While waiting for the bus my new blue hat became the subject of converstation between me and a lovely young lady in her second year of a psychology degree at Western. If I could sweat, I would have been while asking her if she was free sometime during the week. She hestitated a moment (and if my face could change expression, it would have fallen), but she then said "Why the hell not, a story for my roommates at the very least". Its better than nothing is what I thought.

As I jumped off the bus in delight, a gust of wind blew my fancy new hat right off my lightbulb! I shuffled after it, but to no avail. Stupid wind. I was right pissed off. I had a date the next night and all I had was my ugly ass sombrero.

I wasn't going to loose the chance of getting a piece of sweet sweet Western girl ass, so I put on my sombrero and walked off to my date the next night. I took her to the fanciest restaruant in town "Prince Alberts" and we shared a chocolate milkshake. Well, she drank it and I pretended to drink.



Things were going well, so I whispered in to her ear "I heard the psychology majors are the sluttiest, wanna fuck?".



Apparently, it inappropriate to say that on a first date. She lost her shit, calling me a sexist piece of metal garbage. Didn't even let me explain myself and picked up her purse up, whacked me over the head with it and left. I was left in the cold still looking for some lovin, when I came across another lovely speciem to spend the night with.



GOODNIGHT!

Shopping

Greetings once again!

I've been working my steel off at the Starbucks with my hot latte girls, but they began to make fun of my pink, feather sombrero. So I though to myself "how am I ever going to get in their pants if they think I look stupid". Luckily, I have been making some sweet sweet cheddar at the ol' sbucks so I decided to give myself a makeover to maybe fit in more (and hook up with some of the awesome Western whores). A new hat was definitely the first on the list.



I chose the wicked blue meshy cowboy hat. No one can make fun of me for that one.
Next, I was told that most humans wear some kind of outer clothing on their skin in order to appear "cool" or "hip" to other humans. Maybe this will work for robots too?


I really liked the rainbow coloured top, but the sales woman informed me that it was meant for girls. Honestly, how was I suppose to know? Until next time!